Hey guys. So a little update-ish thing, since I'm trying to write more often, on here and in general.
I hate that creating art and performing can be quite expensive to pursue as a passion/career, and that it's usually hard to make a living off it, at least in the beginning. I love being creative, though, and making content. And I would like to be able to create even better content and learn more about the creation process in a variety of mediums. I want to take amazing photographs, model for other passionate photographers and artists, act, make YouTube videos, write books/poetry/music, sing... I want to do a little bit of it all. But the tools I desire to further my creative growth, well, they are quite expensive. And I'm currently in a poor financial state, which is very frustrating and also my fault for not working hard enough, putting enough hours in on cam, and just getting caught up in wanting to do so many things at once. Also because I have had to spend time studying to make sure I get my fitness nutrition specialization to maintain my personal trainer certification.
For YouTube, I'm trying to save up for a Canon PowerShot g7x mark II. And I'd also like to upgrade my Adobe subscription to include Premier, for video editing. I'm planning on doing daily type vlogs, fitness/health/nutrition informational videos, what I eat in a day, workout routines, science, philosophy, rants, music, acting... Pretty much anything that interests me. I'm still getting used to being in front of a camera, but I really like connecting with y'all that way and expressing myself through that outlet, and I want to help others with their health and give them proper information and guidance.
For photography, I'm still not sure what camera I'm going for exactly yet. Probably the Canon t5i or t7i or something like that. I would also like to get studio lights, ring lights, back drops, lenses, etc. And I would also like to invest money into photography books and possibly classes and/or workshops. And of course havving money to travel would be helpful for collaborating with other photographers and models.
For music, I need everything - mics, music production/recording software, filters, headphones, etc. I want to write and produce my own original music as well as do covers of existing songs, and make music videos as well. Would possibly even invest in a vocal coach to refine my voice and technique, and I also kinda like the idea of starting a band. And I would like to have drums lol.
For acting, I would probably invest in some classes, books, workshops, courses in different skills, head shots, traveling to auditions, videographers, etc.
These are all things I want so badly, these are the careers and passions I want to pursue above all else (along with writing, but there isn't really much to invest into that). And I'm trying to get back into camming regularly, but soon I will also officially start my personal training business, and yes that will include taking online clients, checking in via email, skype sessions, etc. But for all these things I want to pursue, it takes money to make money or to get anywhere with them. I can't create without the tools to do so.
So I'm thinking about starting a Patreon account page thing. It's all the rage lately, and I think it would be a useful tool for content creation and a good way to give back to y'all while I receive a little help with my creative goals and aspirations. You would receive special content and interaction with me in exchange for donations each money. Now, this would be the part where I need y'all's help at this point. This is still just a thought for now, mostly because I don't know what I would offer in return for your support. If you have any suggestions or things you personally would like to receive for becoming a patron of mine, please leave them in the comments below. So far, I'm thinking things that are fairly obvious, but - exclusive access to special photosets, exclusive videos/vlog type things, (possibly) handwritten correspondence/DIY / art gifts, exclusive access to certain written content/thoughts/discussions, personal training sessions/unlimited health advice/macro coaching, behind the scenes/bloopers type things, photos that don't make it on here, recipes, etc. I mean, there are endless possibilities I'm sure, and I would love to create these things for y'all and give back to you.
Other random things I'd love to do at some point (some far off, some just ideas, some I hope to do maybe soon-ish, whatever):
Own my own vegan restaurant - obviously this one is a way off, if I ever become rich thing, but it is a new dream of mine. A completely healthy, vegan restaurant full of delicious food, my own original recipes, affordable, all that.
Vegan soup kitchen / food bank - similar as above but would provide free meals and food to the homeless or those simply struggling to make ends meet. People would be able to donate food and all that, and it would be mostly healthy food so those that are not financially privileged can be able to still take care of their health and not have to rely on fast food or junk food to survive.
Podcast - these are also all the rage right now but I dig the idea and would love to do this someday. I would probably prefer to partner with at least one other person for this and cover a wide range of topics and just have open, honest discussion about them. I still have to learn about what goes into these and how to set them up, but honestly, if anyone would ever be interested in doing something like this, let me know. I think it would be dope to have one of these with my best friend, to be honest, but I have no idea if she would be interested in things like this. In particular, I would love to focus on topics like veganism, atheism, anarchism, science, philosophy, literature, music, film, critical analysis, motivational speaking, health. There are a lot of fitness/health personalities with podcasts now, but a lot of the people in the fitness industry are very... I don't want to say fake, but they try to appease everyone or a general demographic of people with traditional thoughts, they are just very agreeable and as I'm sure y'all know, I am quite comfortable with being disagreeable/controversial, so my podcast would differ in that we would cover a lot of fringe beliefs and topics and offer an alternative view to many things. This would be for those of you who enjoy listening to my ramblings and rants on cam, who enjoy my writings of my beliefs and perspectives on here, and all that. And I would probably do guest interviews and whatnot as well.
Health/nutrition/fitness/lifestyle blog - Already working on this. It's just a blog on WordPress for now, and I tried to do this before but restarted with another name because I didn't really even do anything with the first one I made. But this is basically gonna replace my old tumblr fitness blog I had and this would allow me more freedom with my thoughts, as tumblr is a toxic environment. Though I do hope to make another tumblr blog some time in the future, but for now, I think I'm still enjoying my break from it. So if you enjoy my fitness/health content and the information I provide on those topics, this would be for you. I would write about the science behind fitness, provide workout tips, recipes, general lifestyle musings and all that stuff.
Own my own gym - again, another way off one, but a goal for one day nonetheless. I want this to be a very welcoming gym, but not totally Planet Fitness-esque. I still want it to encourage hard work and pushing yourself, while respecting your limits and working on gradually expanding them instead of just pushing yourself way too far and getting injured. Yoga room, free weights, barbell benches, squat racks, cardio room, studio (for dancing or other activities that require a good bit of space), a lounge area with access to drinks and healthy foods, things to buy like shaker bottles and headphones and supplements, superb personal trainers, yoga instructors, health coaches, swimming pool, hot tubs, I can really keep adding more and more lol... I just want to own a super cool, high tech gym someday with many resources and variety in what is offered. And I would love for it to be super affordable, if that's possible. Color scheme would probably be like blue, green, purple (that's also a hint for a change I will be making soon...).
Start my own charities, fundraisers, foundations - I would love to raise money for many different causes, like domestic abuse/violence, victims of sexual assault, LGBTQIA+ rights, veganism/animal activism, the homeless, heart disease, cancer, autoimmune diseases, addiction, self harm and suicide prevention, etc.
Get into aerial arts and performing - It's been almost two years now since I've tried aerial hammock, aerial hoop, and pole dancing. These are interests I still want to pursue and get amazing at and perform with these skills. Also want to perform as a hoop dancer as well.
Write books - both fiction and nonfiction, maybe a memoir or autobiography of sorts, a book of my thoughts and musings and philosophy, health books, cook books, etc.
I think that's all for now... As you can see, I aim very high for myself. These are things I'm terrified of never being able to accomplish, these pretty much drive what I spend most days doing and trying to improve on. I live to create art and to perform and to help others and spread information and awareness. I love what I do, and I want to be able to do more of it. I am asking, if you are able to, and you enjoy my content and what I do, please consider becoming a patron if I do start a Patreon account. I promise I will be forever grateful and give as much back to you as I can. I want to do this for all of us, I want to make things for you guys and interact with you all and just make this world a little bit of a better place, if I can.
Aside from all that, nothing really new with me. Just hit with this new burst of motivation and a sort of clarity. I had a good day today, and it wasn't like an extraordinary day or like anything major happened. I had lunch with my mom, stopped at the mall to get some pre-workout, then came home, cammed for a little bit, and just doing some things on my laptop and watching Friends. But I felt... Really good today. And I just had this sudden rush, this realization that I can do it. I can do what I want. I can pursue all my dreams and I will make them reality. I feel like I'm getting better at dealing with my anxiety and I can handle social situations better, just from my interaction with the GNC employee who knows I'm a regular. I feel confident.
And I feel softer. I want to be at peace, I want to relay my messages in a warm, loving way. I don't want to lose my fire or my fierceness, for these are traits I developed in order to survive and I truly believe they define a large part of who I am, but I don't want the fire to consume me anymore, I don't want to be so angry and frustrated. I just want more understanding in the world, more communication, more love. I'm working on it. I know I have anger issues, no matter how much my anger is justified in some instances. I need to calm down or I'll burn myself out. I'm trying. Most of my life, anger is all I saw, all I learned from, all I knew. It's hard. I'm so used to building bridges just to burn them over and over, and I'm realizing I don't want that anymore. I spoke earlier this year about how this world needs more love and we need to be more accepting, and I still stand by that. My anger has always been because I am so passionate and I want to defend everyone and our rights and I truly do believe what I stand for is good. But anger isn't always the best choice, the best expression. And I feel so much better when I just let go of it, so I am going to try to approach things with a more calm, peaceful energy. That doesn't mean I'm letting go of my passion or that I'm gonna stop swearing lol, but for my own peace of mind and mental health, I need to be more relaxed.
Hope you all are doing well. And if you've read all this, thank you. Looking forward to your feedback!